Incompetence

Let's discuss how cruel it is to require a bereaved mother to call the billing department of a hospital to explain that the reason her son doesn't appear on the insurance anymore is because he died two weeks after he was born, but yes, he was on our insurance and so far everything submitted has been covered. Then let's analyze the idea of spending another 20 minutes on the phone with aforementioned billing department, arguing about whether her son is "eligible" for services already provided by a pediatric cardiologist and a pediatric neurologist during his short life. And just for kicks, let's further ponder that the insurance company may reject the claim submitted for the genetic testing currently underway in Germany, despite the fact that the cost of testing is .02 percent of all costs associated with Cayden's care. 02 percent is a big number, though, it's just that a two-week NICU stay and numerous specialists are an enormous number, so it's relative.

Talk amongst yourselves

But you know what? At least we have insurance to cover this. And the billing lady actually said, "I'm sorry" which is more than a lot of people have done. Sigh.

A Visitor?

Last Sunday, in the midst of a San Francisco heatwave, Scott and I were sitting on our roofdeck. Don't get any beautiful pictures in your mind of a fancy urban roofdeck, it's not. It's basically a roof with a few chairs and two chaises. But when it's warm, it's a perfect place to soak up some healing because the tar-like ground attracts the sun. Let me also say that we live smack in the middle of the city, with Highway 80 running right across the street, and very little green within a four block radius. So imagine my surprise when I noticed, perched on my left foot, a ladybug. I have never, ever seen a ladybug in San Francisco, much less on my dirty, city roofdeck. And so I thought, "Could it be?"

3 Months

Dear Cayden,

Happy 3 Month Birthday, sweet boy! Pinky swear we love you forever and always. We miss you little one.

Love,
Mama and Daddy

Cayden's Name in the Sand on Christian's Beach

Carly Dudley is an incredible, inspirational woman who lives in Western Australia. Her sweet baby Christian was born sleeping and in his memory, Carly writes the names of babies and children who have died in the sand of Christian's beach, and photographs the names for parents. Please read more about Carly and her family's amazing work here

We are deeply grateful to Carly for taking beautiful photos of Cayden's name in the sand. Thank you Carly, so much. You are amazing.

Really?

Dear Makers of Enfamil,

While I'd like to "Nourish the dreams I have" it's a bit difficult at the moment, since my dreams turned into nightmares on January 30 when I said goodbye to my sweet baby boy as he lay in my arms. I guess you didn't get the memo.

Sincerely,
Paige

PS-You misspelled my last name. And please take me off your evil list.

Saturday

Here's a picture for Saturday. No words today. Just sad that we're not huddled over Cayden at home, worried that he's too hot, too cold, too tired, too hungry, like parents of a new baby should be. Sigh.

We did get a variation of huddling, though, grateful for that.