Last Friday I was watching the movie "Knocked Up", one of our favorites and frequently on HBO these days. This post is about one of the last scenes, in which the main character Alison is in labor, attempting a drug-free birth, when the baby starts having decelerations of the heart rate. The doctor thinks the cord may be wrapped around the neck and the following conversation transpires (I've edited, for the sake of brevity. Feel free to skip this part if you remember the movie.):
DR. KUNI: We’re good. The heartbeat’s stronger,but we’re not out of the woods. We need to get things going now. I think the cord is wrapped around the neck.
BEN: What?
DR. KUNI: So I’m going to give you some medicine, pop the bag and get things going, okay? I don’t want to leave the baby in there for long and we can give you some medicine for the pain.
ALISON: No, no, no, no. I don’t want the baby to be born all drugged out. It’s not my birth plan.
DR. KUNI: Now, things change. We don’t have time to debate this.
ALISON: What? No. But no, I’m not comfortable with that. I’m not.
BEN: No. Would you please just listen to her?
DR. KUNI: Fine. Do what you want to do. Should I leave? Do you want to be the doctor? Because I really don’t need to be here.
BEN: No. What we want is to take a second to talk about our options, okay? That’s all we want.
DR. KUNI: No. You mean you want to take a second to tell me how to do my job. My job is to get that baby out safely. Or I can go home! You just let me know. You be the doctor.
At this point, Ben and Dr. Kuni go into the hallway to talk.
BEN: Look, she’s just having a hard time because her and her doctor had a very specific birth plan. And they wanted it to be a very special experience.
DR. KUNI: Okay. if you want a special experience, go to a Jimmy Buffet concert. We have a new birth plan: Get the baby out safely.
They agree to start fresh and return to the room. After Dr. Kuni explains that he wants to break her water and give her some medicine to speed things up because he doesn't want to risk an infection, Alison replies: "Whatever. Do what you have to do." Dr. Kuni leaves and Alison says, " Oh my God. What a nightmare that guy is."
When I first saw this movie in the theater, I remember agreeing with Alison. I'd wanted a drug-free birth (I don't love the term 'natural' birth, but I mean the same thing), we'd interviewed a doula, and I cared a whole heck of a lot about my birth experience. I thought Dr. Kuni was an asshole and I chose to be seen at a women's clinic primarily staffed by midwives known for encouraging low intervention births.
When I saw the movie again last Friday, I nearly threw a glass at the television. This selfish bitch, whose baby is possibly in danger, throws a tantrum because her precious plan has changed focus from a "very special experience" to getting the baby out safely. How could she argue with getting her baby out safely? She calls the doctor whose sole concern is the safety of her child a "nightmare". She's worried about having a "drugged out" baby. How about worrying about having a dead baby?
This got me thinking about how I ever felt differently than I did last Friday and I think it comes down to this. Babies dying was not part of my schema when I first saw "Knocked Up". I assumed that 9 months = a healthy baby. I now know that is far from true. And it terrifies me. I don't really get jealous or sad when I see pregnant women these days, I'm scared as hell for them since I know that babies die. A lot of babies die for many different reasons. Too many babies. I bet that thought had never entered lovely Alison's mind. Afterall, it was only after I met so many mamas who had lost their babies that I actually looked up and discovered that my Mayo Clinic pregnancy guide had a brief section on stillbirth and neonatal loss. I'd skipped over that part, because, well, it couldn't happen to me, right?
support group
10 years ago
12 comments:
Oh god Paige, I have seen that movie and from memory, I was on team Alison, too. I'm not sure I could watch it again now. I have had a post on this subject matter brewing for a while now. Think I should get around to posting it. You've got me thinking....
Up until today I had really no feelings about my birth experience. I was in pre-term labor for 6 weeks, and needed a C-sec because Leah was breach and incapable of moving. It was the safest and only way to get her out. Today I was reading a post on another blog about a natural birth experience (not advocating it really, just telling the story - www.dooce.com) and I found myself feeling left out that I didn't even have options. From 20 weeks during that fateful U/S, I knew the birth wouldn't matter, it would be what happened after that. It's another loss of sorts I guess, but I now know it really doesn't matter how they get here as long as they are healthy and breathing. Reality sucks, and I wish I still lived in my bubble.
Oh the same. I feel exactly the same. All those things don't matter. They don't matter at all, once you've had that sharp alteration in perspective.
I skipped over the preterm labour, losing a twin, neonatal loss chapters. I remember doing it. Consciously skipping them. I also thought that it wouldn't happen to me and I found it too painful to even read about.
Different now. So different. xo
Paige, holy cow, I watched the same movie this weekend (or was it last week?) Whatever. We have watched it a few times now. And the last time it hit too close to home. I just thought, "Idiot. Listen to the doctor." Even though my first baby was born without drugs, and three days before Lucy died, I was in the hospital being monitored and saying, "You just want to induce me now, so you can have the weekend off." I'm such a jerk. The thing is we don't know, until we know, and then it is too late. With love.
Prior to Sam dying, I wasn't militant but definitely in the go natural if you can camp - now, whatever it takes to get the baby out alive, thanks.
Loved the post. I watched that movie after Christian was born so I was hating on her and loving the doctor.
Love you Paige x
yeah, this is such a nightmare for me b/c all along i was the one who was having the drug free birth in my home. now look where i am. its so upsetting- especially since i was soooo against all that is medicalized in deliveries, yet a c-section would have been the only thing to save my baby. who knew though? it makes me crazy when i think about it.
xo
I just came across your blog, and I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Cayden. My story is similar to yours. My son Lachlan was born at 32 weeks, and 8 days after he was born we took him off his ventilator after he suffered complications following a feto-maternal blood hemorrhage. He passed away in my arms, which was just so difficult and painful. I'm so sorry Cayden isn't in your arms right now.
When I was pregnant with Lachlan, I was so worried about having any interventions with my pregnancy, and my biggest fear was an episiotomy. I ended up getting an emergency cesarean and a very ill baby who would die shortly after. It seems that I had no idea what I really should have been worried about. If I'm fortunate enough to become pregnant again, all I want is an ALIVE and HEALTHY baby, however many interventions are needed. I've also changed camps there.
By the way, I also live in the bay area. Wishing you peace and healing, and sending gentle hugs your way.
I just came over here from Carly's blog, and this movie holds a really strange (yet still special) place in my heart. My husband and I watched it in the hospital the day we had our firstborn Dylan (who lived 6 days). I keep wondering when they'll put a movie out about babyloss, about the repurcussions and the emotions, but I guess those are just the chapters in the books that everyone else skips. -Kat
What ever it takes, I 'll do it. That's my birth plan, should I ever need one again. xxx
was just thinking about you, and thinking about the other women and men who are in your situation, having lost a baby... and was thinking how I wish no one had to go through what you are going through... and how I wish that Cayden was here and healthy and that everyone you have met because of Cayden's death also could have their healthy babies... and then i wanted to come check your blog, and you mention that too... I also wish that I could help you carry your boulder/rock...
Crazy when perspective shifts so dramatically, no? I was irate in our prenatal classes at all the women/couples and especially the instructor who kept encouraging people to stick to their birth plans and not be swayed by medical professionals.
Labor and birth are often parents' first of many lessons that life and situations just don't go according to ANYONE'S PLAN. Don't they see that all that matters is if you end up with a healthy and safe baby at the end?! Do they really think they'll care afterward whether they received some medicine or how the baby got out??
So naive... My heart breaks for those of you who know this reality so deeply...
Love,
Jackie
Post a Comment