Ms. Shrink today said something very obvious, but something I needed to hear. Basically, that people's actions, or inaction, aren't necessarily what they're feeling. Meaning that those we haven't heard from, at all, might very well be sad for us, and that I shouldn't automatically conclude that their inability to be outwardly supportive means they're not.
True. But it got me thinking about the people in our lives who have been amazingly supportive, from the second Cayden was born. This is what I'm focusing on, and it feels amazing. In 'An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination', the author talks about needing everyone in a disaster. And it's true. You need everyone around you when the worst possible thing happens.
We've had friends cry alongside us. We've received the most beautiful cards anyone could hope (not) to receive. We've had meals delivered. Our phones have rung often and always at the right times. We've had visitors from near and far, and I mean 10 hour, two connecting flights far. We've heard from junior high classmates through grad school, from family, from neighbors, from friends of relatives, from colleagues, former colleagues, new friends, and so many more. We have one amazing, incredible (insert any similar word and it fits here) friend who literally J.umped off a bus to be with us the night Cayden was born, and any night since that we've needed her. This crappy, horrible twist of fate I would wish on no one has made me realize that we are surrounded by a support system that I would wish for anyone.
support group
10 years ago
6 comments:
Your friend who J. umped off the bus is a special person. We think of you and send our love always, and wish we could be with you.
----Aunt A and Uncle P
We get surprised in good ways and bad with our friends and loved ones I think. It has been surprising for me to see who ended up in the "good" and "bad" pile.
Sally
I think you should give yourselves the credit...People have been so supportive and so loving and so caring because you both are sooo special!!!
Love you,
Aunt Fran
these days i'm trying to focus on the amazing supportive ones, can't be bothered with the others. its hard to not feel sad about it, but i guess as with everything we're going through, that's one more thing to add to it. know that you have a huge support out here.
xo
ditto. i have been saddened and disappointed by those who've dropped out of our lives but more importantly it's been amazing to feel the love of those who are with us. your friend j is amazing. there are a few who can really be there with us too, and that's what makes all the difference.
I continue to be amazed at your incredible ability to verbalize your feelings in the most amazing way. I know this is for you too but I am sure others are finding your blog and are deriving some comfort from it. Thinking of Scott and hope he is finding his own way of getting solace in case it's not your way. Laura and Michelle are out here now and we send you both group hug. Love and kisses Aunt Joyce
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