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10 years ago
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Time
One of the platitutdes frequently uttered to moms whose babies have died is some variation of 'time will heal' and while I understand this in theory, here's my argument why I'm fairly certain time will not heal. Each day that passes is one day farther from holding Cayden in my arms, from touching him, from seeing his alive little face. Each month is another month that he should've been home with us, but instead is just another month more that he's not with us. While I understand the rawness may lessen, I'm not really seeing how time will do much of anything else, besides act as a brutal reminder that Cayden is not here.
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7 comments:
Oh Paige, my heart just goes out to you so much.
Paige,
I wish I could hug you right now. As I shared before, I had a son that was born before I had Talia. Unlike Cayden, he was born still and I did not get the chance to know him, even though I did hold him. Although my situation is not the same, I remember feeling the way you do right now. I can tell you that time will never take the pain away, but it does make it more bearable. My baby was born 10 years ago and there are still days that I think about him or there are days when a 10 year old boy at school catches my eye and reminds me that this is what he would have been doing now. Each year on his birthday I look at his pictures and fingerprints and remember his movement inside me and how we connected even before he was born. There are no words I can offer now except to say that you are not alone and I am here if you need to talk. Keep talking and writing it will help you heal. And don't be afraid to heal, because even if you heal it does not mean that you will forget. Cayden will always be with you and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Lots of love,
Karen
Paige - I agree time doesn't heal nor does it lessen the pain... What it does do is allow you to learn how you will go on. Each time you are reminded of Cayden by different situations, conversations, etc you will find new ways to cope with the pain not always by choice but by necessity. Eventually my hope is that those coping skills make each day a little easier. In the meantime please lean on your friends and Family we are here for you! Much love, Mimi
May I first say that you write beautifully, especially under such circumstances. I can't say that I know what you feel losing a child, but having two with Multiple Ptyregium Syndrome I can imagine more than most. I want to thank you for allowing us to share in your life.
I think everyone can understand your feeling of time, and the fact that "time will not heal all things." The loss of a beautiful child such as cayden can not be healed. But the LORD can make you whole given the time to do it in. He has a plan for your angel. He has a plan for you. I believe he finds special people like you and your husband to give the strength to handle these "impossible" situations.....and will use your life toward good. We may not always know/ or be able to see it at the time.
This pain you experience isn't for nothing. We experience pain to intensify our happiness later in life. I don't expect that my words will make you "feel" any better...but I do pray they will give you hope. You are a wonderful mother, full of love, and that is the most important thing.
hello paige,
sorry to have to meet you like this but just want you to know i'm out here with you (and also in the bay area).
i lost my son just over 6 months ago and i don't really believe time heals either. it changes something, perhaps the shock is not so intense and the reality more so but like you said time is taking us further away from our sons.
i've been thinking so much about time lately, was actually thinking of blogging about it too. the last 6 months feels like time has stood still, like it was yesterday i had my son and also forever ago.
i'm here with you.
Paige,
A sad hello and big hugs. You are right, time does not heal, but it does take some of the shock and rawness away. But even now, 6 1/2 months later, there are moments that take me right back to the minute I heard those words 'your baby has passed away'. Lots of love to you - we are all here holding you on this devastating journey.
hi Paige-
I too am sorry to meet you under these horrible circumstances. Its almost 6 months for me, and time is slowly healing me, but its also still so present. I feel different, not as shell-shocked perhaps, but still grieving, still feeling the loss and still so sad. I can work, and function and even be social, but the loss of Silas will never stray from my thoughts, its always there, always with me.
we are all here for you. thinking of you and Cayden and sending lots of love. xo
btw- your blog is really beautiful, I love the design & the colors.
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