Code Silver

UPDATE: Code Silver resolved. And it was at the building across the street. Phew!

For the third time in a few minutes, the following message has gone off:

"Code Silver, 3838 Fourth Floor"

I figure I should know my code lingo, since I'll be here for a while, so I googled "code silver" and this is what I found:

Combative person with a Lethal Weapon

I'm hoping the "3838" refers to the 3838 California Street building, and not this one. Yikes!

Bedrest Days 15&16 (Monday/Tuesday)

Forgive me for the lack of an update yesterday, it was quite "busy" around here. The day started bright and early with the fetal fibronectin test, which was negative and means there is only a 3-5% chance of going into labor in the next two weeks. This was incredibly reassuring. Next up was a trip to the 4th floor for an ultrasound that also brought good news and the great picture of Buggy you see here.

After lunch, physical therapy came with a regimen to help decrease the muscle atrophy I've been feeling as a result of two weeks flat on my side. I'm grateful to have some concrete steps to take to hopefully prevent my body from becoming complete mush.

Today everyone was still riding the high of yesterday's good news. Buggy, now being nearly 25 weeks, has earned himself a half hour of fetal monitoring per shift. It's fun to be able to listen to his heart and hear and feel his movements simultaneously. He's showing great heart rate variability for a baby of his age, which indicates that his neurologic function is good at this point.

I had two special visitors today. C. came this afternoon and having been a part of our journey after losing Cayden, it was great to connect with her. A. visited this afternoon and brought a special surprise that I'm still figuring out how to display on the blog. Stay tuned... I also received some beautiful baby roses whose fragrance is amazing! By the way, I'm not being intentionally cryptic by using initials-just figure maybe it makes sense to respect others' privacy. If you'd rather me call you by your name, let me know. Jess is too well known to simply be J. anymore, though. Sorry Jess!

Random thoughts:

*Today marks 16 days in the hospital, 16 days having not used a blowdryer, and you would not believe the amount of hair one loses! I guess normally I don't notice it because I'm out and about, but when it all collects in my bed, well, it's a bit obscene.

*There will come a time in the very near future when the tiny little hospital towels will not fit around my body. I mean seriously, these are designed for 5 year olds, not pregnant women or anyone who weighs over 30 pounds.

*Every time I wash my hands I smell Cayden. Whether it be the soap in the bathroom or the hand sanitizer...this was our smell for the two weeks he spent in the NICU, constantly scrubbing in. It makes me happy sad each time I smell it.

*I'm reading "Say You're One of Them" and really enjoying it. Yes, I know book titles are supposed to be underlined, not in quotations, but it doesn't seem to be an option on blogger.

Test Three-Pass

Cervix lengthened a bit, which is great news, though it's still funneling. Buggy looked good, though I'd prefer more roundhouse kicks and punches to ease my mind. Fetal fibronectin was negative, too, so we aced today's tests. I celebrated with a grilled cheese for lunch:)

Bedrest Day 13 (Sunday)

Thought not as exciting as Saturday and Scout's visit, Sunday was great too. A Vikings win over the 49ers with seconds to spare brought some cheer, as did coffee, flowers, and a visit from Mr. Leber. A lunch from the "outside" and a home-cooked Jess dinner meant a nice break from hospital food, though I'm not yet complaining, it's really not bad. Monday will bring a repeat fetal fibronectin test and a cervical check ultrasound. Thinking stable thoughts, thinking stable thoughts...

Thank you all for your incredible support. I credit you with the fact that I am very far from going insane, which according to my nurses, is somewhat remarkable at the two week point!

The Best Day (Bedrest Day 12)

One guess why today was the best day yet...Scout came to visit! Not seeing her is, by far, the hardest thing about being in the hospital. We started out the day with a video chat during which Scott practiced putting Scout into a bag. Surprisingly, she didn't mind it at all.

I hopped into the shower and the next thing I knew...

We enjoyed some lunch and watched a movie as a family in bed. The three of us in this bed was, er, interesting.

Scout cozied up to my airboots

And later found her own little spot in the room

We also spent some time outside on the patio. We ended our time together with a video chat with Mimi and Abbey. It was a great day and I can't wait for my next Scout fix!

Silas Orion

Today I am thinking deeply of Silas Orion and of his parents, Lani and Chris. Lani was one of the first babylost mamas I encountered on this journey and she has been and continues to be an incredible support to me. Chris' writings as a babylost dad help me understand a daddy's perspective and I'll be forever grateful to him for sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings about his firstborn son.

In my mind, most babies are pretty, even the scrunched up, old man looking ones. But Silas is truly gorgeous in a way that few babies are. How I wish he were a toddling one year old, celebrating his first birthday and bouncing in his parents' arms. How I wish I'd never had to meet his amazing parents in this way. Chris and Lani, I'm sending you so much love and remembering and loving Silas today each time I look at the bunch of sunflowers on my shelf. They reach with longing for the sun, as I long with you for your baby boy.

24 Weeks and Bedrest Day 10 (Thursday)

Buggy hit 24 weeks today and we celebrated with a painful shot of betamethasone to my bum. It was not fun, but a relief to know that he's getting some help to develop his lungs more quickly, should he come earlier than expected. I'll get a second shot tomorrow, and I'll be sure to ask for ice this time, which apparently they forgot to give me. It won't help with the shakiness, sweating, and nausea, but at least will help with the achy feeling right after.

Today was full of fabtastic surprises. Emails, a fun card, a book bouquet from some former roommates, a lucky bamboo plant from a dear friend, and a package from mom and dad that included a blown up picture of Scout for the bulletin board. Thanks everyone, it's so generous of you and definitely brightens my day when the package mailman knocks on my door:)

So much of the focus for the past 10 days has been on my body and its ability to keep Buggy baking for at least 2 more months, but it's still very real to us that there is no guarantee that Buggy is healthy and that we could still learn he has Pena-Shokeir or a similar disease. This fear has taken a back seat considering the more pressing issues we can actually do something about. But these dual fears have definitely been competing for attention in my dreams, which have not been pleasant for the past two nights. I'm glad my anxiety is being processed when I'm in a less conscious state, but would prefer it go away completely.

10 Day Snapshot:

Number of grilled cheese sandwiches: 8

Number of temperature/blood pressure checks: 42

Number of 'touch downs' to listen to Buggy's heart: 32

Number of times I've been asked "Is that baby still in your belly?" by my favorite twins: 2

Bedrest Day 9 (Wednesday)

Today can be summed up in two words: awesome husband. Why, you ask? Because he surprised me with a massage especially for bedrested mamas. I love this guy!

Hmmm...

I'm not going to take it personally that my grilled cheese did not come with chips today. Dietary services does not read my chart and see my weekly weight gain, do they?

Bedrest Day 8 (Tuesday)

I woke up after having slept for a solid 7 hours and felt good. When I learned Helene was my day nurse, the day got even better! She makes my bed with two jersey sheets rather than the starchy regular ones, which is amazing. Like I said before, it's the little things...

Today I abandoned Water for Elephants. Many people have said they like this book, but I'm not a huge circus fan to begin with and the many scenes with animal violence were too much. So if anyone has a 'must read' to recommend, let me know. Preferably one without excessive death or violence.

I had a good conversation with C., same nurse as last night who was our nurse when Cayden was born. She hadn't heard of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, but told me that there is a loss packet that has a set of instructions that nurses follow when a baby dies. We agreed that this seems like the right place to include information about NILMDTS, so we're going to work to make sure it's part of the protocol. I so treasure our photos of Cayd and simply want other families to have the same opportunity, especially because I know families who have lost babies here at CPMC and weren't told about NILMDTS and wished they had been. It makes me so, so sad.