You Are My Sunshine

With Sev sleeping soundly in my lap and "You Are My Sunshine" playing, I'm unsurprised by the juxtaposition of joy and sorrow I feel today. I sing along to the lyrics we all remember:

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."

Except for the 'only' part, these words describe perfectly the sheer happiness that Sev brings to each and every day. But there are lyrics to the song that I didn't realize, that capture the sorrow I feel as I remember Sev's sweet big brother as he lay in our arms taking his last breaths one year ago today, and the still gaping hole in my heart that aches when I think of our baby Cayden.

"The other night dear as I was sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke dear I was mistaken
And I hung my head and I cried."

It feels impossible to manage the absolute ecstasy of seeing Sev in front of me, living and breathing and at home with us, along with the crushing pain of wearing a few of his brother's ashes in a teardrop necklace around my neck. So I smile at my living son while the tears flow freely for his dead brother and I feel like the happiest sad mama in the world.

Settling In

I love my sling!

Sorry for the lack of posts, but we've been busy getting to know our little guy. Sev is a very good baby so far, and though when I was pregnant I gave him complete permission to be as difficult as he wanted to be so long as he stayed in nice and long and was healthy, so far he's an incredibly easy babe.

We're feeling very grateful these days. Grateful to have our second son safe at home and to be surrounded by loving friends and family.

PS-For those wondering, Scout has been the most incredible dog since Sev came home, not that we really expected otherwise. She is beyond mellow, completely tolerant of any crying and much of mama's time being spent on baby. Still trying to get a good pic of them together, hopefully soon.

Happy Birthday Big Brother

Today, January 16, we're celebrating Cayden's first birthday, remembering how it amazing it was when he entered this world, wishing he were here, and thankful that we had two special weeks with our first baby boy. Thank you for remembering him with us, for speaking his name, and for helping to soothe our saddened hearts by never forgetting him. We love you baby Cayd and we miss you every day.

Home

First, I apologize for not posting but I couldn't add photos to blogger from my phone in and I figured a post without photos isn't much fun.

We're doing really well and are happy to be home. Sev is a very content baby thus far and only cries when he needs something. He's a champion at sucking, we think Maggie Simpson has found her match. Sleep seems to be a thing of the past, and we couldn't be happier.

First Photo

This is the first photo of Severin Cayden Hirsch taken shortly after birth. We ask that you DO NOT share this photo with TMZ we are currently in negotiations with People and US Weekly.

Also with his large hands Paige and Scott are deflecting all calls regarding his interest to be Quarterback at your University to me Uncle/Coach/Agent Ted.

Enjoy, there are more to follow and both Paige and Scott are doing great!

Buggy Is Here!

Severin Cayden Hirsch arrived safely via c-section at 2:40, weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds 14 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. (I think that means I won the bet. -Uncle Ted)

Mama, Daddy and Sev are doing well and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your incredible love and support!!

(Pictures Soon)

C-Day!

Okay friends, here we go! The countdown is over and we are so thankful that we've reached this day. We check in at noon and surgery is at 2:00, though there's always the possibility that we will be bumped for any emergency c-sections. Here's a belly photo as we head out the door...

Today also finds us sending many happy 2nd birthday wishes to a very special little girl. Carly, I'm so happy that you and Buggy will share this day. You are an amazing little one and both you and your parents are an incredible source of inspiration.

Next week at this time...

we'll be driving to the hospital. Wow.

Today I had my last appointment (39 weeks) with Dr. M. We discussed how on earth it's possible that after three months of bedrest and an almost non-existent cervix, I have not dilated at all since being let up at 36 weeks. Sparing you all a detailed anatomy lesson, the basic assumption is that because my ischial spines are so narrow, Buggy's head has not been able to descend enough to put sufficient pressure on the cervix to cause dilation. Therefore, it's unlikely that I'll go into labor on my own before our c-section one week from today.

To say we're looking forward to meeting Buggy on the outside is an understatement. No matter what anyone says or believes, seeing that he is healthy is the only thing that will put my mind at ease. He continues to move like a madman which is always reassuring.

I guess the only thing to do now is to wait...and to play one last game of Guess Buggy's (birth) Weight! At 34 weeks, he was estimated at 5 pounds 3 ounces, and babies typically gain a half a pound per week in the third trimester. I will be 39 weeks 6 days next Tuesday. I'm going to weigh in (ha!) with my own guess of 8 pounds even-what do you think?

38 Weeks and Sunflower's Arrival

The first and most exciting news is that Sarah and David welcomed Ezra's little brother, Micah Amir, early this morning. Knowing another rainbow baby has made it safely into the world is a wonderful feeling and my heart is simply leaping for Micah's mama and daddy.

My 38 week OB appointment today was entirely uneventful. No change at all from last week and Dr. M. said she'd be surprised if Buggy comes before his scheduled c-section date. Apparently all that bedrest really scared my cervix into behaving and while 80% effaced, it's still very posterior and not dilated one little, teensy bit.

Any hint of disappointment that things aren't progressing quickly faded as I realized that this scenario is truly amazing. A chunky and full-term Buggy is all we ever hoped for and it seems it's what we might get. Now to think of ways to fill the next 12 days...

Almost 37 Weeks

No big changes to report. According to Dr. A.'s exam today I am now 80% effaced but not dilated yet. It makes it clear that bedrest for the last three months was necessary, as going from 50% to 80% in a matter of 5 days is a decent change in the length of my cervix.

So we're waiting, walking, bouncing on a birth ball, drinking tea, eating spicy food and pineapple, telling Buggy he can come whenever he wants, but also understanding that when the time is right, it's right, and there's not too much we can do to change that. The silver lining of it all, besides having gotten this far, is that even if we end up with our scheduled c-section on January 12, it will be performed by my amazing OB Dr. M. and by Dr. A. As much as I'd like Buggy to come sooner than that, there's also something pretty special about these two incredible doctors helping Buggy be born.

Thank you all so much for your support and for checking in. It means the world to us!