Bedrest Day 5 (Saturday)

A lazy Saturday was in order after our night of mediocre sleep, so that's exactly what we did. Scott and I watched a bizarre French movie in bed after he made my day by getting Starbucks. Not having good coffee each day (don't worry, I'm allowed to have it because it's recommended when there's a history of fetal movement disorders) is tough! Scott also brough lunch in from outside, which was a nice change. I had a visitor in the afternoon which definitely helped break up the day.

We had a good conversation with Dr. S., who delivered Cayden; she's not our main MFM but she knows our story. And she's from Edina, so we get to talk Minnesota with her as a bonus. We discussed the survival rates for preemies, 50% at 24 weeks and up to 85% by 28 weeks and the rate of disabiilites associated with these gestational ages. We also talked about my unique case in that I don't feel my contractions. With Cayden, I was contracting every 5 and then eventually every 2 minutes and had no idea. She didn't want to speak for Dr. A., our main doctor, but thought that I would most likely end up doing my bedrest here, even though it'd be primarily for monitoring purposes. It seems like it may be too risky to send me home if I can't pick up on any contractions myself, and at-home uterine monitoring is not something they're huge fans of, as it's not very reliable.

Monday is a cervical ultrasound and we'll hope to see some lengthening given the week of bedrest. I'm counting on it, actually. And then steroid shots will happen at the end of next week. Since it looks like I might be in here for the long haul, I'm soliciting suggestions for how to decorate this room, in addition to the fabulous photos that grace my bulletin board and that help me deal with missing Scout so much.

Bedrest Day 4 (Friday)

Friday was nicely uneventful. I had a pretty bad headache and layed low (ha!) most of the day. Scott surprised me by coming over early and we spent some time on the patio and then ordered dinner. We celebrated Rosh Hashanah by eating a sweet, round molten lava chocolate cake. One of those a week and I'd be a very happy girl. Buggy enjoyed it too, as evidenced by much kicking. We then relived our college years by cramming two bodies into a twin-sized bed for the night. Not the most comfy sleepy arrangement, but cozy.

Test One-Pass!

AFI-amniotic fluid index-was 14.8, which is great. This means that the indocin didn't result in a decrease in Buggy's fluid. Speaking of Buggy, here are a few pictures!

Bedrest Day 3

Didn't sleep as well last night, but am hoping to make up for it tonight. I'm done with my first "machine gun" medication; it's so strong you can only take it for 72 hours and I have to have an ultrasound tomorrow morning called an AFI which checks my amniotic fluid index, as the medication can reduce it. A bit nervous about that, but hoping it goes well and that I've got an appropriate amount of fluid. Buggy seems to be moving fine, so I'm hopeful that's a good sign. Best part is no one will wake me at 1:00 am tonight for my nightly dose!

It's the little things in here that count. A hot shower, fresh sheets, and ice water with lemon (I swear, I'm not in a spa, really) and permission to be on a gurney out on the patio made my day! My day nurse Helene was awesome and was the one to think to ask perinatologist Dr. M. if I could get outside privileges. I layed out for about an hour in the warm sun and read, in a bikini. Just kidding, though I do need to do some online ordering of capri pants to fit over my compression boots, since I've been wearing the purple ones for 3 days now. Helene also brilliantly suggested that I use a strip for my TOCO monitor rather than a big belly band type thing, which makes for a much less itchy and more comfortable me.

Tonight was fabulous. I had a surprise visit from a sweet friend, and a dinner party with two Jumbos, who brought yummy food and many useful gifts to pass the time and make life a little easier. I felt very spoiled and lucky to have such amazing support, both in real life and those I haven't yet met in real life. Thank you.

And if you're keeping track, and I kind of am, just for fun, today was my third day in a row of grilled cheese for lunch!

8 Months Ago

It occurred to me last night as I was trying to fall asleep that exactly 8 months ago on the 16th, in this hopsital, one floor up, I had just given birth to my baby boy. Hard to believe.

Today marks 23 weeks and one more week until viability and betamethasone shots for Buggy's lungs. I hope so much we make it one week and then hopefully about 15 more. I had a few contractions overnight, according to my night nurse, but of course didn't feel them. Things seem calm now and I'm hoping they stay that way.

PS:I re-numbered the posts, because although I got admitted on Monday, I'm counting Tuesday as day 1 of bedrest.

Bedrest Day 2

Today I woke refreshed after somehow managing to sleep from 10:30-1 (woken to take take meds and vitals) and again from 1-6. Nothing like a restorative night of sleep to make for a good day. I realized, however, that I need a bit of structure to my days, otherwise I hop from activity to activity and don't feel like I've accomplished anything. So I'll work on a schedule tomorrow;)

My uterus has been a bit irritable this evening and my nurse checked with the perinatologist on call, who prescribed some oral terbutaline. It's a low dose, so hopefully I'll avoid the heart palpitations it is known to cause. And I just moved my monitor away from Buggy, and things seem to have calmed down. I think he was exploring the region a little too heartily and the monitor was picking it up as uterine movement.

Thank you for your calls, emails, texts, comments, support. It's so helpful and I'm deeply appreciative.

I leave you with a parting shot of my lovely legwear. Come on, you know you're jealous!

The View From Here

Somewhat limited based on my restricted position, but here's what I see for 23.75 hours of each day.

You'll notice books, flowers, liquids, DVDs, magazines, and brownies. A pretty sweet set-up if you ask me!

Bedrest Day 1

Today we learned that I will be on bedrest for the rest of this pregnancy, which will hopefully be about four months. Whether this will be here or at home is yet to be determined. My cervix is incompetent and my uterus is irritable. I love the words they use to describe my body, they sound so much more insulting than male terminology like "erectile dysfunction", but I digress.

Uterine irritability means the uterus has a constant low level twitching, not rhythmic contractions, but constant movement. Incompetent cervix means that my cervix is not holding long and strong like it should be at 22 weeks, and is shortening, softening, and funneling, which shouldn't happen this early.

Bedrest is fine. Honestly, it's no big deal and if it will result in a healthy Buggy at home in January, then so be it. With Cayden, everyone assumed that my polyhydramnios was the reason for my preterm labor, but it seems that maybe I'm prone to it no matter what. I've already been told that I will have a cerclage placed at 13 weeks the next time around.

Here's what's slightly annoying about bedrest:

1. The compression boots I wear 24/7 to prevent deep vein thrombosis. Haven't figured out how to sleep with them, and unplugging them each time I go to the bathroom isn't exactly fun.

2. The volume on the TV is on the remote, not from the TV. It's weird.

3. Heartburn. Being constantly reclined means lots of heartburn. Yuck.

4. Muscle atrophy. I already feel weak and am not quite sure how I will hold a baby come January!

Here's what's great:

1. The food. CPMC has a restaurant-style menu ordering system with food that is actually yummy. I'm lucky for this, I know. Tonight I had tofu and vegetable stir-fry with jasmine rice and german chocolate cake.

2. The nurses. They rock. Especially our NICU nurse Erin who came to visit last night before her shift. She's helping us plot a way to smuggle Scout in:) And she and Thanh might bust me out if I get wheelchair privleges at some point!

3. The doctors. They also rock.

4. The fact that I have a private room.

5. Visitors and phone calls, emails and texts.

6. Scott. He brings me whatever I request. And tonight he will help me take a 5 minute bench shower. If washing your wife's greasy hair isn't true love, then I don't know what is.

So that's the update for today. Trying to stay positive and calm. I'm so grateful that they caught this in time!

Get a room!

Last night, Scott and I took a little trip to OB triage for some lower back cramping. We joked with the nurse that since we were coming back today for a fetal echo, that we should just get a room and sleep over. Oh, had we only known!

Here I am in room 123, my home for at least the next two weeks while I'm bedrested here in the hospital. While Buggy looked great today, my cervix did not. And my uterus is being irritable. The irony of a seemingly healthy baby with an uncooperative body is almost too much to digest. But Buggy seems unaffected by it all and that's what matters. Hopefully he'll keep on baking for many weeks!

This thing you call god

I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with god, or the idea of a god, has been pretty shaky since Cayden was born and died. But this morning's devastating news has pretty much solidified my feelings. Don't get me wrong, I was never the type to believe that god meddled in individual lives, never really prayed for specific things for me, but at one point I had some sense that there was a larger picture and perhaps this thing called god was in control. I've never done well with comments like, "God chose you to be Cayden's parents" or "God meant for this to happen" or "God has a plan for you". They're not comforting to me and they just don't jive with my experience.


What the hell am I talking about? I'm talking about this. Mirne and Craig just lost their third beautiful baby, Jet. Don't tell me there's a god, don't tell me this was meant to be. I am heartbroken for these wonderful people who are living in a hell I cannot fathom. I am crying for them and for Freyja, Kees, and Jet.


Please don't comment here. Instead, I wish you'd visit Mirne and Craig and tell them how sorry you are that they've lost three babies, how you wish this nightmare was just that. And I'm comfortable that others have different views of god, but I'm in no mood to hear them today.